You will spend plenty of time indoors... So hit a button or scroll down for entertainment!
Good morning self isolation inmates, anyone know how much Vodka goes into three scrambled eggs?— jvharris_1965 (@jvharris_1965) June 27, 2020
Having to do dishes every 7 minutes during quarantine is my villain origin story.— Asia (@AsiaChloeBrown) April 28, 2020
Quarantine can be fun if you pretend you committed a crime and are laying low until the heat dies down— Andrew Schiavone (@aschiavone) May 9, 2020
If you're close enough for me to kick you in the balls, then you're not social distancing.— David Leavitt (@David_Leavitt) May 7, 2020
Don't make me kick you in the balls.
Make Someone's Day!
Me: This is the worst television show I’ve ever seen.My Boss: This is a Zoom meeting. — Goats? (@Gooooats) April 29, 2020
people keep saying “don’t check your 401k” like I know what that is or have one to check. should I also sanitize my opera binoculars? cancel my incoming shipment of caviar? fuel up the private jet while prices are low?— 𝘾𝘼𝙇𝙀𝘽 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝙍𝙊𝙉 (@calebsaysthings) March 17, 2020
Idea: We all combine of our $1200 stimulus checks and buy the Knicks— B. W. Carlin (@BaileyCarlin) March 26, 2020
The pandemic has also highlighted my need to marry a hairdresser-nail-artist-chef-dentist who lives on a secret island.— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) April 29, 2020
At least the real Jeffrey Epstein probably has died of coronavirus— dylan gelula (@DylanGelula) April 5, 2020
Thinking of Seinfeld plots that could happen during quarantine, e.g.:Kramer gets too into breadmaking and converts his apartment into an industrial bakery. The deafening roar of the bread machinery ruins Jerry’s Zoom-based standup special. Meanwhile, George is dead. — pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) April 21, 2020
I bet a lot wives right now wish their husbands bought them a Peloton for Christmas— Hanna Dickinson (@hansdickie) March 16, 2020
Today a GOP state rep in Ohio said he won’t wear a mask because “God doesn’t wear one.”— God (@thegoodgodabove) May 4, 2020
Look at My profile pic. I am clearly wearing a mask.
February: I'm not an impeachment scholar, but— Scott J(urisprude) Shapiro (@scottjshapiro) April 3, 2020
March: I'm not an epidemiologist, but
April: I'm not a labor economist, but
May: I'm not a macroeconomist, but
June: I'm not a hunter-gatherer, but
Me: what’s the first thing you want to do after the quarantine?Wife: get a babysitter. — WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) April 2, 2020